if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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