i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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