I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
