So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
