as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm at about main and main street
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
