You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I would ride that face into the sunset
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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