(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
