either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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