i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
