He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
