Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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