my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
