Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
