the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
