I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
