she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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