If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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