don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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