what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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