My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize