just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Someone shit on the floor
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
