Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
