I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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