rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
