Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he's gonorrhea incarnate
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
