How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
