It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
