So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
