no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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