worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
