Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
