so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
