What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
