I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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