People in love make me want to vomit
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
