I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i think my cat just said my name.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
