Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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