I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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