I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
