So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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