Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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