I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
