lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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