Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He passed out mid-signature
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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