Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
