found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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