You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
