My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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