You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
there is glitter all over my balls
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
