I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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