So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
